Family Values and bringing up Children
A value is a belief or attitude that you hold close; something that you want to keep as a standard for judging yourself and the rest of the world. It is the basis for your sense of right and wrong, good or bad. It is our values that drive us to act in a certain manner, to lead a certain lifestyle and to shun certain habits. If you truly believe that consuming alcohol is not a good thing, you will not drink. And if you do, you will probably feel guilty and regret it later. If you meet others who do not believe in the same things as you do, you might be uncomfortable with them. Or at least, you might not approve of them and be afraid that they do not approve of you. Each of us has a unique value system actually, almost as unique as our fingerprints. A value system is not just something that is passed down from parents or learnt through behavior at home or in schools. It is fine-tuned and developed through personal experiences and interaction, in combination with the values that our immediate society lends to us. Yes, value systems can differ starkly even within the same family or group of friends. For instance, parents may think it is wrong to marry out of own caste or community, while children may not believe in marriage at all. Similarly, one may not like lying to parents but his best friend may think it is just another way of making life easier. Therefore, honesty is a value for you. Values can be related to health, cultural, spiritual, religion, preservation of nature, integrity, loyalty, wealth, security, creativity, independence, peace, fame, personal growth and education. There are many values and any combination of these separate values will form a person’s total value system. To figure out yours, you must do a lot of soul-searching, ask yourself questions about what really matters to you and what you deeply believe in, or what are the issues that you are not willing to compromise on, and that will be your unique set of values. The value system the parents adopt, which in turn has been influenced by their parents, is to a large extent the Family Values.
One of the many compliments that elders bestow upon children is: What a well-brought up boy or girl! We also hear praises heaped upon a child or youngster in the name of good breeding. On the other hand, when a child misbehaves, the first people to get blamed are the parents. After all, they are the ones responsible for the behavior of a child until he or she is old enough to assume individual responsibility. Actually, even after growing up, it is the parents who get blamed for a child's behavior, because one cannot build a great house if the foundations are not strong and deep.A well-brought up person is instantly recognized as one. Such a person is usually courteous, calm, confident and willing to help. Often, he or she will also be talented and eager to listen to others.Good upbringing is all about training a child to be a good citizen and an asset to society. To this end, a parent has to think of the ideal citizen and try to encourage, and NOT force, the child to become to develop the ideal traits. We all expect other people in society to be honest, forthright, incorruptible, hard working, learned, socially conscious, environmentally sensitive, generous, polite, broad-minded, non-violent and tolerant. This is feasible only if our own children are brought up to acquire all these poitive attributes. Our children will submit to this sort of upbringing only when parents set a example and aspire to be the ideal. Therefore, it is not fair to expect a governess, a servant, a teacher or even a finishing school to convert your child into a magically perfect creature. When you bring a child into the world and give him or her your name, you are, forever, linked to his fate and responsible for his values and his reputation.One golden rule: while teaching a child anything, do not insult him or her. No reprimands in public or in the presence of friends. Children are entitled to their dignity too. If a mistake has been made, wait until you are alone with the child and then gently correct him or her.One is compelled to give advice and counsel, but most of all, one has to show a child that it is possible to live with dignity and treat others with respect and kindness. Parents must teach them the difference between hoarding money and saving up for a rainy day. Must demonstrate that it is much more fun to share joys and toys, by sharing what you treasure. One must train a child to show respect to elders by treating their own elders with the utmost respect. Parents can help a child imbibe the value of education by continuing their own learning process, or taking up some course of study. Building up ‘good qualities’ is never easy. But the best, and perhaps the only, way to teach a child anything is to set a personal example.